Hello and welcome to The English Like a Native Podcast. This is a listening resource for intermediate to advanced-level English learners. My name is Anna and today we are talking about crazy inventions. Have you ever had a great idea? An idea for something that doesn't yet exist, but if it did exist, would make people's lives easier, more interesting? I've had a few ideas through the years of things that I wish existed, but I've never really thought about taking it further. I've never thought about actually making one of these ideas, creating something that I could then take to market to sell to other people. If I thought about an invention that I'd want to build and take to market, then I would protect my idea by getting a patent. A patent is an official way of protecting your intellectual property. So let's say that I'm talking to you right now about a really cool invention. I'm gonna tell you about something that picks your outfit and dresses you in the morning. So all you have to do is get out of bed, stand inside this machine, this wardrobe invention, and it would pick the outfit for you after you say what you're doing for the day. So, today I'm having a meeting. It would pick that outfit for you and dress you so you just stand there with your arms lifted and you are dressed. That's my invention. Now imagine I'm telling you about this amazing invention and you think,"Wow that's a great idea." And you decide you're going to make it. Even though I've said, I'm going to make it. You decide,"I'm going to steal this idea and make this invention because I think it could be worth a lot of money." And you take it, you build it, you sell it to the market and make a lot of money. If I don't have a patent, if I haven't protected my idea with a patent, then there's nothing I can do. I can't prove or get any compensation from you and the money that you've made from my idea. Now I'm sure that you would never do that to me. But if I wanted to protect an idea and I did intend to take my invention to market, then I would get a patent. A patent usually covers your idea for about 20 years. So you have some time in which to bring it to market. Now, why am I talking about patents? Well, there are a number of very bizarre inventions that people have had patented. So there are lots of people out there who've had these ideas and thought I might make this, so I'm going to patent it to make sure it's protected in case I decide to bring it to market. And there are some very odd inventions on the list. So I'm going to go through a few with you now. The first one is the phone hugger. Now the phone hugger is an invention that is like an emotional support pillow that you can have on you and around you and kind of over one shoulder for while you're on the phone. And it's supposed to be there in case your phone call is, particularly sad or stressful. And the emotional support pillow provides you with a sense of support and soothing. It's very odd. Apparently it has different settings on it and it can light up. So it has different light settings on it, has different scents. So if you want to smell lavender or other kind of scents that calm you, then you can set that up. It has a heating element as well, and you can adjust the firmness of this phone hugger pillow thing. When I looked at, this I thought to myself that my problem is I don't spend very much time on the phone these days. When I was a child, when I grew up without a mobile phone in sight. Because I grew up in the 80s and the 90s, we didn't really have mobile phones and I would, in those days, spend hours on the phone, having a conversation with a loved one or having an argument or a disagreement with a boyfriend or with a family member because that sometimes happened and maybe in those circumstances, maybe a support pillow, a phone hugger would have been a good idea, but I doubt it. I don't know. These days I don't even spend any time on the phone. I think the most time I spend on my phone actually talking to someone is a video call. And in that case, the phone is you know, out in front of me, pointing at my face rather than up against my ear. And I'm normally talking to my children, which at that point I do miss them very much and a little hug would be nice. What do you think? Do you think the phone hugger is a good idea? Or do you just think it would be a real pain to carry this thing around, because you certainly couldn't put it in your pocket? Okay, so next on this list of crazy inventions that have been patented is, and this one's really gross, the toilet snorkel. This is a device that allows you to breathe"clean" air. I say"clean", because anything that's down the toilet probably isn't very clean, but it allows you to breathe clean air through a toilet during a fire. And so basically it's a face mask attached to a long bendy pipe and the long bendy pipe can be inserted into a loo, into a lavatory, and it can bend around the U-bend of the toilet and come up into the area of the pipe where there's no water. Now, I need to point out that this design was created in response to a spate of fires in high-rise buildings. So it was designed to meet a specific issue of people suffering, or even dying due to smoke inhalation when there were fires in these high-rise buildings and the chances of escape were minimal. The options for escape were minimal. So this toilet snorkel was invented to deal with this very particular problem. Now while breathing in toilet air must be absolutely gross, it must smell foul, it's a much better option than filling your lungs full of smoke in an emergency situation. So I actually think that this is not a bad idea, to be honest, but I don't think that the toilet snorkel ever took off. I don't think you find toilet snorkels in hotels these days or in high-rise buildings. I think what they've done is made better buildings and better fire prevention plans rather than providing toilet snorkels in every toilet in a high rise. What do you think about a toilet snorkel? Would you feel safer having one in your bathroom? The next bonkers idea is the gerbil vest. Now, many of us in the UK are pet lovers and the most common pets that you'll find here are cats and dogs. But we also love tiny little furry animals too. We are big lovers of hamsters, gerbils and guinea pigs, although I would argue that guinea pigs are not that small, but we do like these little caged furballs and the gerbil vest is basically a wearable maze for small pets. And the idea is that you can take the small animals out and about with you so they don't feel cooped up in their little cage stuck at home all day. I get this idea. I understand this idea because being a pet owner, having a cat, I certainly understand that desire to take your pet out and about with you to allow them to explore the world in the way that you are exploring it, when I go out to national parks or if I go for a weekend away somewhere to explore the coastline or something like that, I always feel bad leaving my pet at home. My cat actually has a cat flap, so he has access in and out of the house whenever he wants and he's free to roam. But of course he would never go, at least I hope, touch wood, he'll never go very far, not more than maybe half a mile away. Maybe I'm being naive, maybe he has a huge territory, but I would quite like to take him further afield with me to explore the world. And if I had a caged animal, like a hamster or a gerbil, then I might have this longing to take them out, to give them more life experience. I don't know if it would be a comfortable ride for them, being attached to your chest and being bounced around as you're walking about. But who knows? I'm not a little furry animal. I don't know. Do you think an idea like this would catch on? Do you think it would be of interest to pet owners? Interestingly, there are, actually, backpacks that you can get for cats. So this is an invention that has been brought to market. I even thought about getting one. It's a backpack that's breathable, that has a little dome on the top, a Perspex dome, where the cat can pop his head up and have a look around. And there are also little windows out the sides as well. So they can look around and enjoy the view from your back. So maybe the gerbil vest would catch on if it were brought to market. Okay, so, moving on. This one is hilarious. The next one is the face tap alarm clock. It's like a mobile that hangs over a baby's cot. It's like a big arm that hangs over your bed and off the arm is a series of strings and balances and little discs of wood or cork. And it's set on a timer so that when you want to wake up, these little corks drop down and knock you in the face, just to kind of tap you on the face to wake you up with touch rather than waking you up with sound. Now, I think this is a great idea because personally I find the noise alarms, the alarms that we all have on our phones, I find them quite disruptive and sometimes depending on the sound that you actually set to wake you up, sometimes I feel like I'm literally going to have a heart attack. You know, there are some that are really quite abrupt. There's one that my partner used to have, which was like a"Rrrr, Rrrr, Rrrr" kind of alarm. That was a terrible example, but it was really loud and abrupt and it would make your heart skip but not in a good way. You jump out of bed feeling shocked and panicked. I just think it's an awful way to start the day with that shot of adrenaline, that fear and panic that's induced by this very abrupt sound that shocks you and jolts you out of sleep. Now my alternative personally is the sunrise alarm clock. It's a big lamp that's next to the bed and you set it, let's say it's set for six o'clock. About 20 minutes before my alarm, before I want to wake up, it slowly starts to introduce more and more light. It basically recreates the dawn. So it gets brighter and brighter, which slowly stimulates the hormones that wake you. And it brings you gently out of your sleep cycle so that you can wake up in a more natural and gentle way. I like that. That's better for me. Unfortunately, or fortunately, you could say either way, but the children are now my alarm clock. I don't need to set an alarm these days because the children, without doubt, will wake us up much earlier than we want to rise, so I don't need an alarm at the moment. But the face tap alarm could work. I guess the only issue would be is if you sat up in the middle of the night, you're suddenly going to be knocking your head against this device that's hanging over you, and that might make you a bit uncomfortable. Okay, so next on this list of weird and wonderful inventions is the greenhouse helmet. We may need one of these in the future, or even now, perhaps. The greenhouse helmet is basically like a glass or plastic bowl that sits on your head. It reminds me of a fish bowl and within it, there are shelves to place your favourite plants. And the idea is that you're within this protected atmospheric environment and the atmosphere is clean because you are, well, the plants are creating clean air for you. I'm not convinced by this particular invention because: A, I think the whole contraption on your head would be far too heavy and uncomfortable to walk around with. Plus you'd feel a bit silly. Secondly, you'd have all this stuff, all the moss and the soil and perhaps the bugs. I mean, all the greenery in my house always ends up infested with tiny little flies and mites and things. So you'd have all those things right by your hair and your skin. I can't imagine that's going to be useful if you need to look good for the office. And I'm not sure that photosynthesis happens that quickly. I think you probably use up the fresh oxygen faster than it can be created. So I don't think this really works very well. I don't think it would be fit for purpose. Okay, next on the list is the automatic bed maker. Now this is supposed to solve the problem of having to make the bed in the morning. What a chore. What a palaver having to get out of bed and tidy everything up. Now this is a contraption, a mechanism of, rods, like mechanical arms and rollers that then move over the bed, straightening out all the blankets, pressing out all the wrinkles and the creases, and making the bed look nice and flat and tidy. There are two reasons why I do not like the idea of this particular invention. The first one is, I don't want to sleep in a bed that has mechanical arms and rollers. Because can you imagine a mechanical or electronic malfunction in the middle of the night and suddenly you're being flattened with these rollers trying to press out your wrinkles? That would be a like a horror movie. That would be horrendous. No, thank you very much. I would much rather just have a standard bed that's not likely to attack me in the middle of the night. And the other thing is, I don't personally think that making the bed is that much of a chore. I don't see it as being a problem that really needs a solution or an invention to take that problem away. It's not really a problem that needs solving. You get out of bed and you just pull your bed covers over, fluff your pillow and Bob's your uncle. I think it's super easy though, to be honest, what you should do in the morning when you get out of bed is pull your covers back to air the bed. And that reduces the likelihood of bed bugs multiplying through the body heat that continues and gets trapped between the bed covers. So you air the bed, and then later in the afternoon, then you might pull the bed covers back over and make the bed nice and tidy. Okay, next on the list. This is another terrifying invention. It's the electronic snore stopper. Now, I am not one who snores. At least I've been told I don't snore, and I certainly haven't noticed myself snoring. I think if you do snore, you won't know until someone tells you. And snoring can be very detrimental to relationships, I think. If my partner snored, thank goodness he doesn't, but if he did snore then I would have to go and sleep in another room. I'd have to insist on separate bedrooms because I'm such a light sleeper that even when he does like have a cold or if he's had a drink, like a pint of beer or a glass of wine, then he will breathe quite heavily and even that wakes me up or stops me from falling asleep. So if he was a full on snorer, then we'd have to do something about our sleeping arrangements because I couldn't cope. But the electronic snore stopper would help in that situation. This is basically a necklace or a collar that you wear around your neck and if you snore quite loudly, it detects that you're being quite loud and it gives you a tiny electric shock. That sounds lovely, doesn't it? And the electric shock is supposed to obviously rouse you from your sleep, making you maybe change position and allowing you to fall back asleep without snoring. The problem I guess would be for the snorer who would be regularly woken with a nasty little shock in the neck. That can't be pleasant. What do you think about that? Do you sound like a foghorn in the middle of the night? Do you need an electric shock in the neck to wake you up? Alright, I'm going to tell you about two more of the inventions on the patent list and see what you think. So the next one is the automated baby patting arm. I love the idea of this, although in reality I don't think it's very safe. As a mother of two boys who did not sleep well, who still don't sleep very well, I would have killed for something that would help to put and keep my children asleep, allowing me to get a restful night. And so this is like a mechanical arm that hangs over a cot with a little hand on the end that just pats, pats the baby's bottom regularly. So baby thinks that you're there doing the parenting job that you should be doing. And I know from experience that you can spend hours rocking the baby, comforting the baby, laying the baby down, patting them on the back, patting them on the bum, rubbing their back, lying with them, whatever it is you have to do. And the moment you dare to take a step away, they wake up. And they cry and you have to do it all over again. So this is a great idea. But as the kind of mum who panics over the slightest thing, I still cut grapes and tomatoes four ways for my children who are three and five and big enough to manage to eat everything pretty much without trouble. I still cut up choking hazards and, you know, I worry about them all the time. I can't imagine that I would feel able to sleep knowing there's a robotic arm moving around near my baby in case baby turned around and it started smacking the baby in the head or in case it went haywire and trapped the baby or something crazy. I just don't think I could rest leaving a robot in charge of my little bundle of joy. Okay, so the last one I'm going to tell you about is the kicking robot. So this is all very odd. The kicking robot is like a, well, it's a cycle, like a bicycle, imagine a bicycle wheel and all the spokes in the middle of the bicycle wheel, but rather than having a circle around the outside with the tyre on it, every spoke ends with a shoe and you cycle this thing to make it go around. So you cycle, you pedal with your hands and you make the wheel turn. And as you are cycling with your hands and you're slightly bent over this wheel with all the shoes, just kicks you repeatedly up the bottom. Why? What is the point? The idea is supposed to be that it motivates you. It's a motivating robot because it gives you the kick up the bum that you need. Now, this is a very common phrase to say that you need motivation to do something. So, I need to paint the hallway, but before I do, I need my partner to help me to take down all the shelves. I can't do it by myself, but he promises to help me, but never does it. And so he just needs a kick up the bum or a kick up the backside, meaning he needs to be motivated to do something that he's not doing. And so this machine is, I'm guessing, supposed to be a bit of a joke, a joke invention. that you would literally get a kick up the bum from this robot. It's just very silly. But maybe it would make a good gift for someone who regularly needs motivation. I'm not that person. I'm usually very good at getting things done. My partner says that he's the thinker and I'm the doer. He thinks about things, considers them, researches them. Whereas I just jump and do it. I don't always plan and research, I just dive straight in and get the thing done. And together, we probably balance each other very well. I motivate him to get things done because I just start doing it. And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We need to think about this. And I'm like, well, I've started it. So you better start thinking about it. Okay. So that is the list of patents. Which one was your favourite? We had the kicking robot. We had the automatic baby patting arm. We had the electronic snore stopper. We had the automatic bed maker. The greenhouse helmet. The face tap alarm, we had the gerbil vest for the animal lovers, the toilet snorkel for the risk averse, and the phone hugger. Let me know which one was your favourite. If you enjoyed this episode, then don't forget to leave a like, a rating, or review, and please, recommend The English Like a Native Podcast to your English learning friends. Until next time, take very good care and goodbye.